Caramel Toffee //

- University of Auckland - Opp. Clock Tower -

… so that the stability of our country won’t be questioned further.

I’ve heard nothing but political shits when I ask my relatives and friends in Malaysia the same simple question of “How’s home?”

I’ve also noticed that more than 50% of Malaysian blogs (newly updated or pinged) are talking about political shits. The same thing over and over; all the slandering, namecalling (I swear, people can be so childish when they’re blabbering), etc etc.

Some of my international friends messaged me out of the blue: “Is Malaysia in some big political brawls now? I keep seeing Malaysians blogging about politics all the time. I thought they’re saying that your country is one of the famous mediators of peace or something…?”

You have no idea how ashamed and frustrated I feel after hearing this question.

How am I supposed to answer? Should I just give them this: “Well, actually, people simply like to fan small flames so that it gets really big. You know, make things all spicy to call for attention.” Or maybe I could simply say: “Don’t worry. I’m tired of all the political shits they’re writing about too.”

Can’t we have someplace reserved only for political bloggers? Correction. Can we have separate places for separate themes, like, ASAP?

I used to love Petalingstreet.org, and I use it still until today. But it gets REALLy tiring when all you see everyday is people blabbering about politics in the ‘Latest Pings’. And for goodness’ sake, they should refrain from double-posting the same thing. It’s a waste of good space.

I swear, blogs should have specific ratings too. We have 18PL for media broadcast. Why not blogs too?

I miss the time period between 2000 and 2003 so much. Blogs were more interesting back then although blogging platforms had less features.

- Unique Advertising of Drinks @ Symonds Street, Auckland -

Frm 1Aug, it will be $1 per call to talk to Cust Service on Prepay. You can still manage yr mob free online. For other ways 2manage yr mob &more info freecall 440.

From: Vodafone

Every service over here is all about limitation and money. I don’t know how much Vodafone would charge for GPRS, but it would surely be cutthroat. I’m upset with my internet connection, and Vodafone decided they want to mess with me some more.

Well, My Woosh wireless broadband is currently running on a dial-up speed, which gives me nothing but frustration after frustration of having to wait seemingly forever for a simple page to load.

Internet connection is datacapped. Three of my apartment mates and I share a wireless broadband plan with 51 GB bandwidth per month. The bandwidth would be reset back to 0% on the 21st of every month. And we ran out of our bandwidth last Friday.

I didn’t even get to download this month, having been busy with moving to the new server. I’ve been very conscious with my usage of the internet. I even avoided graphic-heavy websites to save the bandwidth.

Some people apparently didn’t think so.

I wish they’d be more concerned. Using Yahoo!Messenger and Skype eat up lots of bandwidth, and it actually bothers me that some of them are using both messengers almost all day long.

And the internet’s registered under my name.

How lovely.

I want Malaysia! No monthly bandwidth… Ahh…

- My Sizzling Lamb Kurma -

One of the things I miss the most aside from home (and my family, but they are not things. So…) is Malaysian food! I miss the spicy, somewhat sweet and sour, and sometimes hot taste of food like curry, kurma, masak merah, tom yam, even goreng kunyit. I think I miss the taste of gulai/kuah pedas the most.  And of course, sambal bilis is thoroughly missed too. The people’s definition of hot and spicy is quite funny. There was once when the Jewel of India owner asked me if I was really sure I want extra Chicken Vindaloo sauce on my rice.

Mak Cik: It’s really hot, dear. Are you sure you want it?
Me       : That’s the  whole point, actually.

Always, the ‘very hot’ warning doesn’t live up to it’s definition. They’re usually only a little bit spicy, but not at all hot. If I want to eat something really hot or really spicy, I’ll have to cook my own meals.

Which is what I’ve been doing from the past few months until now.

I don’t cook at home, but maybe I am blessed with Mama’s ‘natural cook’ instinct. Or maybe I’ve learned to imitate what I remember Cik Mah (our housekeeper) did in the kitchen whenever I happen to be there. I can cook lauk pauk like curry, masak merah, kurma, rendang, sup, tom yam, and many others. Nasi, mee and mihun goreng are included.

I think I’m blowing my diet. No, seriously. Geez, I know I wouldn’t eat so much if I don’t cook. But the spices and ingredients are there in front of my eyes, making it hard for me to resist the temptation to cook. Besides, the smell of onions when I’m still at tumis stage is heavenly.

Sure they sell spices here, mostly from India and Pakistan. But they don’t compare to Malaysian spices, or at least I think so. That’s why I’m always so reluctant to use the spices Mama sent over from home. She sent the spices via PosLaju, so it was rather expensive. I’m afraid I’d use up the spices! I’m really glad when I found a store in Otahuhu that imports a lot of products from Malaysia, including Baba’s spices. The only problem is that Otahuhu is more than 1 hour away from Auckland City on bus via Newmarket/Mount Wellington route, and at least 30 minutes via the express motorway.

- Behind Symond Street S4 - Auckland (02.07.08) -

The chill of winter is finally seeping through even the closed window. I’m suddenly glad that it’s winter break. Even though we don’t get snow in Auckland, its still cold enough to make me shiver every once in a while. And my feet and fingers practically turn to ice every night. I don’t know if it’s associated to the cold, but I’ve been experiencing trouble sleeping at night. Last week, I went without sleeping at night for four straight days. After the fourth day, I crashed. Slept at around 4am and didn’t wake up until 5pm. No wonder my housemates got worried when I didn’t leave the room for that long. I know I’m the type who keeps to her room, but I usually get out of my room to do the cooking and other tasks.

I haven’t been doing much. I wasn’t even able to concentrate on my writings, or any of my projects for that matter. Nothing is proceeding according to plan. I haven’t even started burning some videos in the DVDs for Nisrin even though I promised to mail them to her during the holiday. I guess I need to apologise to her. I’ll still do it, Nisrin, no worries. Just give me some time to overcome this extreme laziness.

The second semester will be starting this 21st, yet I have not yet signed up for my elective. I’m thinking of taking COMPSCI 111 (Computer Science), mainly because I need to do a subject in which I can guarantee to myself that I can score. From what I heard from the seniors, COMPSCI 111 is really easy. They only teach basic stuff about computer parts, the internet, some website making basics, histories pertaining to the computer, etc etc. I think I’ll managa, so next week I’ll proceed to sign up.

As I’m writing this, I’m still waiting for my EDUC283 result for the final exam. I think I screwed up really badly. I desperately hope I won’t fail the paper. God knows what would happen to me I if I do. I’m sure Mama would screech into my ears when she sees the result slip in the mailbox.

Joy…

I passed the other subjects, but most of them were only B+. I really screwed up in some courseworks even though the last EDUC223 (for example) scored me 87 out of 100. That was me writing 15 pages of essay. No wonder I sucked at the others, which I did in only around 6 to 10 pages.

Oh, and I don’t even want to begin to rant about my last ESOL202 assignment. I should be satisfied with the result, but I really expected something more than what I actually got for it.

So, the bottom line is: WORK. HARDER. ADLINA!

On another matter, I’m currently in the process of moving my files to a new server. I’m tired of Hostgator issuing warnings that my site is using up too much processes, so I got myself a VPS where I can at least be the boss for my own website projects. I really need to separate academic entries from personal ones.  I also bought Fantastico license alongside WHM/cPanel to ease my work, and yes, it lessens my workload by almost half. I’m getting better at SSH and MySQL too, so I’m really happy right now.

Also, Geekdom.info, which I originally intended to make my academic journal, will be bought by an SEO company for $2000. Even though I love the domain name, I really could use some extra money especially after buying the two-way tickets to go back to Malaysia for this summer. November couldn’t come fast enough!

- My Messy Desk, WSA, Auckland (21.05.08) -

I keep stumbling upon blogs of young Malaysian bloggers these past few days. Some are taking PMR and some SPM. Makes me feel a little bit nostalgic somehow; I remember my days of manual blogging in 2001 before using Greymatter in 2002-2004 and moving on to b2evolution, and finally wordpress and Joomla. But it’s not this recollection that hit me with this sense of nostalgia. It’s what I read in those young darlings’ blogs.

Aside from records of normal everyday occurences, it seems that most of them are talking about scrapping as many A’s as possible in exams. I remember how I was like that too when I was at that age. It’s not until I’ve left school that I actually reflected back on what I view education as - what I truly want from education, and from being educated.

Life of A Student and the Race for A’s

I thought back on why I wanted so much to get as many A’s as possible. How did I feel back then when I got 5A’s in UPSR? How did I feel back then when I got 8A’s in PMR? How did I feel when I got 8A’s in SPM? I remembered getting extremely upset with my SPM results. I felt like tearing the result slip, because it hurt to look at the B’s when I’ve worked myself sick for the exam. I got slightly envious of those who got straight A’s, and felt really, really low because it was the first major exam where I didn’t manage to scrap all A’s. And the B’s upset me because they were what I didn’t expect.

Now that I think about it, I couldn’t help but smile. Never mind if the smile is actually bitter or not. While chasing after the A’s, the grades and the rank, I was unconsciously falling into a dangerous trap. I didn’t realise that I was trying to please other people all along. I didn’t realise that getting the A’s was not really about personal gratification, but about feeding the expectations of society. At that time, maybe even now, some people’s view on what makes a student ‘good’ is his or her grade. Academic excellence comes before anything else, because it is what we can easily observe. It’s what the eyes can see. Like me, years before, I never really considered that they are actually many ways to define excellence and intelligence. As I grow up, portions of my thoughts mature with me.

I’ve come to learn that the nature of excellence and intelligence varies across cultures and society. What a particular society defines as ‘giftedness’ may not necessarily apply to another society. Imagine the uneasiness I feel when breaching the subject of education in Educational Psychology tutorial. We get to hear the views on education from students all over the world. Like in Japan, grades are everything for students. In New Zealand, the United States and a few other countries, skills and abilities matter the most in defining intelligence (particularly cognitive skills). So then, what is the definition of excellence and intelligence in Malaysian culture?

I ask myself now: For all the subjects that you got A’s or those that you worked so hard to get A’s for, do you still remember what they’re all about? If you got A for History, do you still remember all the historical facts you learned in History? If you got A for Math or Add-Math, do you still remember all the formulas? If you got A for Chemistry, do you still remember all those equations for chemical reactions? Chances are: “Probably” or “I don’t” would be the answer. I don’t think I could ever say “Absolutely!”. What might had taken me only 2 minutes to solve back then might take 30 minutes now. Some people might even straight away claim “I don’t remember anymore la~”

What tickles my brain at the moment is the fact that there’s still a race to get as many A’s as possible in education. Does it still mean anything if deep understanding is not achieved?

Life as a Teacher-trainee and Teachers

When I graduate as a teacher, what is it that I want my student to achieve? What do I have to emphasise in the classroom? Should I keep reminding them of how they should work hard to get an A for the subject I teach? Or do I remind them of how important it is for them to acquire the right skills and the right knowledge so that they can use it in the unseen future? Why do I get the feeling that I’d be told off by the school authority if I choose the latter?

Moving out of the topic of students and learners, I have other dilemmas weighing down on me too.

Why are teachers rated on the scale of how many of the students taught by them managed to get A’s in their subject disciplines? Why are schools rated on how many of their students get high results? Why provide teacher-trainees the motivation to ‘make a change for the better on the education policy’ when they’re going to be ripped off of their ‘freedom of speech’ once they are posted at schools? Why keep telling us that we’re the ‘agents of change’ if we’re going to be asked to ’shut up’ later? Why pay us to study overseas if we aren’t allowed the opportunity to change what we were initially asked to change?

My seniors who had just had their graduation ceremony a few weeks ago are already teaching. However, it upsets me greatly that many of them were actually asked to teach subjects which are completely out of their subject discipline. I knew this scenario isn’t foreign in the past, but I had hoped it would change before our era. They were sent to study English, and how to teach English. This also applies to teacher-trainees of other programs - they were taught their respective subject disciplines and were supposed to teach within their subject disciplines. Within their expertise. So why, when it’s so blatantly obvious that there are shortages of teaching staff in a particular subject discipline, are they not assigned to the right ones?

I’m learning English, and I’ve lived in Kelantan all my life. If me asking to teach in Kelantan receives a reply sounding like “There’s no empty post” in the near future, then I would know how much of a nonsense that is. My old school was short on English teachers. The school my mother taught in was short on English teachers. Even the schools my elder brothers and sisters-in-law teach now are short on English teachers. So why pray tell are those who were trained to teach English stuck with teaching subjects they are not trained to?

I could get a headache out of all this. I even worry about writing a blog entry such as this - worry that I’m not allowed to voice all these out. Will I get some kind of penalty for this? God knows. Until later.